life, I was comparing myself to those around me -- wondering why others got to run faster or longer or even why someone was skinnier than I was. But now I

In July and August, espnWs weekly essay series will focus on body image.I was 13 the first time a doctor asked me about my family history of just dropping dead.Less than two decades later, I cant begin to count how many times Ive heard the question. ?Its been twice this week.I was the kid who played every sport and never turned down a chance to run around the park, soccer field or basketball court. Anywhere, really. But it all came to a halt on a hazy September day. The unfamiliar doctor was concerned after hearing a pronounced murmur in my heart through a stethoscope, and then he asked me matter-of-factly: Do you have a family history of just dropping dead?Thus began a journey with my body that continues to this day.I was quickly taken to the local childrens hospital and was initially misdiagnosed with a valve abnormality. Despite the error, my pediatric cardiologist was still correct in his assertion that something was negatively impacting the blood flow in my heart and that it would worsen. He warned of eventual symptoms and side effects and even surgery, but the news didnt feel real to me.At the time, I was lucky, and largely asymptomatic. I knew I had to be careful and what the consequences could be if I wasnt, but I didnt let it faze me. I earned 12 varsity letters in high school, and ran a five-minute mile with ease. I say that not to brag, but to explain just how hard it was to hear that I would not be allowed to play sports in college because of my ailment. It was heartbreaking. While I think I hid it well to most people around me, inside I was angry. I felt like my body had let me down.However, my condition did noticeably deteriorate in the ensuing years, and I had some scary experiences while working out. I collapsed one day after running and knew it was more serious than I had previously acknowledged.After seeing several cardiologists and hearing a slew of opinions over a multiyear span, I was finally diagnosed with hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathy (HOCM) in 2014. I was placed on extensive exercise restrictions and put on a twice-daily medication. I was in a constant state of fatigue and frequently got lightheaded and dizzy after performing activities as simple as standing up from my office chair or walking up the steps.I remember looking at myself in the mirror and wondering how I could have gone from such an athletic person to someone who couldnt do much of anything. It was a devastating feeling. In the fall of last year, I went to the Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy Center clinic at Tufts Medical Center in Boston. For the first time, it felt like the medical staff was listening to what I was saying and actually having explanations for it. And not only that, but they had a possible solution to alleviate many of my symptoms.Open-heart surgery. Specifically, a septal myectomy. And while hearing that initially felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, I quickly grew open to the idea. I was being given an opportunity to potentially do so many of the things I loved to do again. I couldnt say no.In April, I underwent the lengthy procedure and awoke to my new-and-improved unobstructed heart. While the pain was intense, I almost immediately -- or after the heavy medication wore off -- felt such a sense of pride. I remember thinking: I did this. I made it through this. My body did this.I used to begrudge my body for what it couldnt do, feeling shame every time I had to make up an excuse for why I couldnt join friends at various exercise classes or anger when a one-flight walk up the stairs became debilitating. Now, since the surgery, I look at my body not for what it cant do, but for what it can.Just one day after being operated on, I was able to walk around the hospital corridors -- slowly, to be sure, but I was still moving. While I ultimately required two additional surgeries before going home -- to insert a pacemaker as an unfortunate consequence of the first procedure -- I still continued to get up and walk around. The halls of the ICU were my track, and I faced them just as I faced the actual track during my time as a competitive runner.After nine long days in the hospital, I finally went home, and the next day I walked a mile. Im sure it wasnt pretty, but I did it. I hope I never forget the appreciation I felt for being able to move on my own, breathe the fresh spring air and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin.Now three months removed, I am working out six days a week -- sometimes under the guidance of nurses in a rehab setting, and other times on my own at the gym. In my past life, I was comparing myself to those around me -- wondering why others got to run faster or longer or even why someone was skinnier than I was. But now I have an overwhelming sense of acceptance. Im just happy to be there.Sometimes, I stop and marvel at what I have accomplished over the past few months. I clearly wasnt born with the best heart, but every step I take and every new accomplishment in my journey feels like a victory.Sure, Ive had my setbacks. Running has still proved too tough a task (for now, anyway) and multiple failed attempts brought back some temporary resentment. But overall, I cant believe what Im capable of.I look at the scars on my chest not with disgust, but with pride. They may not exactly land me on the cover of Vogue, but theyre mine -- a constant reminder of what Ive been through and how strong I really am. Maybe I cant do everything I once did, and maybe I never will, but I appreciate everything I can do.And thats good enough for me.DArcy Maine is a writer and reporter for espnW. Follow her on Twitter @darcymaine_espn.? Fred Lynn Jersey Large .Y. -- The Buffalo Sabres have placed centre Cody Hodgson on injured reserve and recalled two players from their AHL affiliate in Rochester. Custom Angels Jersey China . -- Cam Newton pranced into the end zone, placed his hands over his chest and did his familiar Superman pose. http://www.customangelsjersey.com/ . Gerald Green and Miles Plumlee? Green had bounced around the NBA when he wasnt playing overseas. The Pacers gave up on Plumlee after just one season. Now Green and Plumlee are key cogs in the Suns surprising breakout season. Custom Angels Jerseys . - Goaltender Philippe Desrosiers of the Rimouski Oceanic has broken a shutout record that was only three months old in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League. Cheap Angels Jerseys . The head of USA Boxing came out swinging Tuesday with an open letter to Tyson -- a former Olympic hopeful himself -- that accuses the former heavyweight champion of trying to poach fighters who might be candidates for the U. Ryan Bailey is looking for thrills and another Olympic medal.Bobsled might be his ticket to both.Bailey -- a longtime sprinting specialist and a Summer Olympic veteran -- won the U.S. bobsled preliminary push championship for rookie hopefuls in Lake Placid, New York, on Saturday, the first step on a path that hes hoping leads to the 2018 Winter Olympics.Thats obviously the goal, Bailey said after Saturdays competition. Im not here to be just part of the team. Im here to actually be on the Olympic team and make one of those spots. Thats what Im shooting for. Hopefully once I get on ice everything can transition the way Im expecting. Thats what I want and hopefully the coaches can see that.Bailey sprinted for the U.S. at the London Olympics four years ago and left with a silver medal from the 4x100-meter relay, though Tyson Gays doping case eventually meant that medal had to be returned and reallocated. Bailey also made the 100-meter final in those games, racing alongside Usain Bolt and some of the other fastest men alive.He tried to make the U.S. team for the just-completed Rio Games, but a bad hamstring doomed his chances of qualifying. So now, its a winter sport that hes turning to with hopes of securing a medal -- and keeping it this time.Im still not over it, Bailey said.Its not uncommon for bobsled and track to be luring the same athletes.Lauryn Williams medaled as a sprinter in the summer games, and teamed with Elana Meyers Taylor to win silver at the 2014 Sochi Olympics. Longtime U.S. hurddles star Lolo Jones was on the Sochi team as a push athlete and should be in the mix for another spot in 2018.dddddddddddd Tianna Bartoletta won gold in both the long jump and the 4x100-meter relay in Rio, and credited the time she spent as a World Cup-caliber bobsledder as a major help.And in years past, the track-to-bobsled switch was pulled off by the likes of Edwin Moses, Willie Davenport and Renaldo Nehemiah.Bailey could be next. His win Saturday earns him a spot at the national push championships, which will be held on ice in Calgary, Canada next month. From there, a national team spot could await -- and if that happens, that 2018 Olympic spot would only get closer to his reach.Im an adrenalin junkie, I guess, Bailey said. So seeing a sled go 80, 90 miles an hour down a hill, to me that looks like pure fun.This was Baileys first trip to Lake Placid, and part of the trip included a walk along the U.S. teams home track at Mount Van Hoevenberg. Theres no ice on the track yet, but even as just a concrete tube Bailey understood the challenge that awaits.Walking down the track and through the curves, I was in awe, Bailey said. These things are 20 feet tall, its ridiculous, its basically vertical. I cant imagine flying through there.Other winners Saturday included Briauna Jones in womens bobsled, Nikia Squire in womens skeleton and Christopher Strup in mens skeleton. ' ' '